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Psalm 33:16 NLT
‘The best-equipped army cannot save a king, nor is great strength enough to save a warrior.’
It is perhaps the naivety of youth that creates a sense of indestructibility. I stepped from university into the adult world with an overwhelming sense of my own significance and a huge amount of self-confidence. My failure to secure even one of the six places I applied to for a PGCE, followed by failure to land a place at law school, might have provided an early warning that I wasn’t master of my own destiny. It was then I crash-landed into Youth for Christ. That was a great disappointment to my dad. He imagined with my Oxford degree I would secure a high-paying job with all its associated security.
If I entered the world of work with an overinflated self-confidence, I approach these twilight years with an overwhelming sense of my own frailty and vulnerability. I’ve arrived at this state via a period of personal entitlement, in which I felt I was owed something – owed by the world, my peers and even my God. Those bitter years revealed just how insecure I was, and I might say faithless. I wanted to be able to gaze upon my hard-won trappings of personal security. I preferred self-reliance ahead of God-dependence. This personal security revolved around financial security both now and into my dotage, as well as a guarantee of life’s comforts and peace of mind.
Of course, I had all these things, yet I wasn’t their creator or provider. God was. My fear was that they could easily be lost, since they were not under my direct control. However, this was the very place God wanted me to discover and experience. Instead of living life from within the bunker of my own choosing, I was to live within the wilderness, dependent upon God’s manna and God’s word. It wasn’t that I was to experience discomfort, but it was important I learned to live in the present and not to inhabit my future. God was sufficient today. I experienced and enjoyed that provision. It was a choice, one that still frightens me, to trust that God would prove sufficient tomorrow, especially as my natural powers of self-reliance decline.
QUESTION: Would you describe yourself as independent or God-dependent?
PRAYER: Lord, you are my refuge and strong tower. In you I place my trust.
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