Be Still Know
Psalm 62:5 NLT
Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.
For years following any argument, while steamed up, I felt justified because I’d stuck by my views which were always clear and resilient, yet never offered up to close scrutiny by others. My confidence in their correctness created a sense in my right to articulate such views strongly.
Over the years my understanding changed. What were once strongly held views are today lightly held perspectives; important yet open to dialogue and the possibility of movement. In the past, after an argument, my mind carried its residue into the days following, and I found it hard to find much rest for my soul. I rehearsed the conversation again and again, and felt sore where I felt a blow had been landed upon my view which I hadn’t been able to counter.
My reactions left me a measure insecure in myself, for I wouldn’t reconsider my view and so thought I was failing to communicate effectively or that I was being rejected by my verbal adversary. So from noisy verbal exchanges I moved to the loud internal dialogue with myself. This constant whispering within my head all but distracted me for days and played a huge part in setting my mood. I was in fact a prisoner to my own fractured psyche.
Help emerged as I began to explore entering the silence, not in some rural idyll but a desert space where I might hang out with God and converse with him about who I was. It was within this silence I discovered I was deeply loved by God, had always been known by God, that God was more deeply embedded within me than I’d ever known. Slowly I stopped measuring myself against my views. I exchanged insecurity derived from my uncertain friendships for the security of knowing God. The restless anxious chatter in my head, while never stilled, lost its power to determine who and how I showed up in life. My inner anxious self was shattered and hope was birthed, a hope with which to wage war against the internal chatter that made me doubt myself, lose my confidence and constantly compared me to others.
QUESTION: How does insecurity influence your view of yourself and your relationships?
PRAYER: Thank you, Father, that in being in Christ means I am safe, secure, loved and freed.