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Psalm 62:1 NLT
‘I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him.’
While it’s all very well to commend waiting in silence for God, what to do when the silence seems endless and is constantly interrupted with random yet distracting thoughts? My first attempts at silence, while proving elusive and frustrating, were driven from a collapse in confidence in the nature of the God I’d been worshipping and the style I’d adopted in approach.
Katey was diagnosed with MS, we were some way along that road and I was disintegrating as a person. No good looking to my church for guidance here for two reasons. Firstly, I was looking to be rescued from the angst and the relentless inner pain that now consumed my every waking hour, and often robbed me of the sanctuary sleep might offer. Then my church had no more effective a response than prescriptive truth built upon scripture without effective experience to earth their treasure trove of biblical blessing.
So unravelling emotionally and psychologically, I also felt my grasp upon Jesus faltering. A rational being, I gazed into the black hole of nothingness where my life to this point from conversion was meaningless, and my complete lack of a roadmap to help lead me through the maze of my own wild imaginings. I was already frayed around my every edge, so I was not for stepping into that black hole. What to do? Well, I compromised. I decided to deconstruct everything I’d been taught and chosen to believe in and only retain that which in any way offered as much a practical as a theoretical remedy to my situation.
To discover God, I had to cut myself adrift from the various methodologies I’d embraced without ever testing their competency in steering me towards encounter with God. A quiet time is all fine and dandy, yet had I not simply persevered, established a habit and used it to beat new disciples into some form of submission? “I do this, those who taught me do this, so those of you I am discipling will and must do this!” Not pastorally elegant, nor was it practically effective.
QUESTION: Where have habits you formed to connect with God become duties you perform?
PRAYER: Lord, put your truths deep in my heart that I may persevere throughout the trials of life.
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