Be Still Know
Psalm 40:5 NLT
‘O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.’
I have applied for many jobs unsuccessfully. All require a fine-sounding list of outstanding accomplishments to demonstrate my competence for the role. Initially I slaved at pompous self-promotion, exaggerating, fine-tuning and ignoring moments of doubt and the mistakes that proved the greatest asset in enhancing my ability.
Disappointment has given way to acceptance of the fact that I can be no more than friend, friar and more recently, hermit. I love writing, conversing, thinking, encountering God – and honestly, none of the positions I applied for would have enabled me to practise this skill set. So those appointment committees are to be commended for rejecting my application.
It took some time for me to discover that I was not the sum total of my workplace achievements. The biggest lie perpetrated in the field of employment is that you are only as good as your last success. For then I allow someone else to determine what they mean by success. I know my greatest success was, with mistakes aplenty, to have accompanied Katey as carer and spouse and safely present her into the hands of God.
All I have really ever wanted is to be able to express myself as I feel most comfortable, while enjoying access to the bare necessities of life. I acknowledge I struggle with aspiring to be anyone other than I know I am within. What I discover is that God doesn’t struggle to impose his personality. God invites us to follow to the degree to which we desire and discover the very essence of the Divine in all, in as far as we search for it. God is indeed the pearl of great price, and we, those who care enough to sell up, purchase the field and search. I am comfortable with knowing God alone and realising that this is life in all its fullness.
QUESTION: What is your honest assessment of yourself?
PRAYER: Lord Jesus, today I again accept your invitation to follow you.